While it may not look this way, most people actually feel very insecure about themselves. These feelings are completely normal but still unpleasant.
Moreover, sometimes they not just only come and go, but stay for a long time, affecting our lives, ruining our self-esteem and causing various depressive thoughts.
And that’s not all: insecurity can deal even more damage if you really start believing that these thoughts are objective.
When people feel insecure, they become too shy, too distracted, too scared to do something important, and that affects not only their relationships with other people but also both personal life and work.
Imagine a person who starts having doubts about their professionalism, about being heard and understood correctly. These doubts are small and insignificant at first, but later they start growing.
A person overthinks almost every decision they make, hesitates to speak up, waits for something bad to happen – and eventually this “something bad” does happens, not because this person is a bad employee, but because they’ve become distracted with all these negative thoughts.
Such person, however, doesn’t understand this: they think that it happened because they are too unprofessional, and so this destructive way of thinking continues and grows even stronger.
So if you start feeling too insecure, check out the top 9 ways that will guide you how to express yourself freely.
How to Express Yourself Freely
1. Accept that it is completely normal.
Sometimes people suffering from painful and insecure thoughts may think they are the only ones having such thoughts.
However, as mentioned above, most people have these thoughts, even if they are good at hiding this. When you start feeling insecure, remember that every person feels like that even once a while and it is completely normal.
This will help you to avoid punishing yourself for feeling all this in the first place.
2. Focus on your thoughts.
If you want to overcome insecurity, you need to understand which things scare you the most and why they scare you so much.
That’s why when you start feeling bad about yourself, focus on these thoughts and try to understand them instead of letting them ruin your mood and your day.
For example, if you think that people look at you with judgment, ask yourself, why it’s so important to you? Why does it matter what strangers think?
Are you really willing to change your style or your attitude so they would look at you in a different way? Maybe you’ll find out that this actually isn’t as important to you as you thought.
Moreover, focusing on your thoughts allows you to understand where they come from. Sometimes we recreate someone else’s attitude and project it on ourselves.
For example, if a school teacher was telling students that they are dumb every time they didn’t know something, some of these students may call themselves dumb years later when facing things they don’t know.
It is important to realize whether it’s really us, who punish ourselves, or we just repeat criticism that we’ve heard from other people.
3. Write down all things that scare you.
Sometimes we are insecure because of the past mistakes and sometimes our fears make us feel this way. It’s good to fight all of these things one by one, but to do so you have to name them first.
Take a notebook and list all the things that make you feel insecure. Maybe you are scared to meet new people because think they might not like you?
Or maybe you don’t want to quit your boring job just because you think that you won’t be able to find a better down? Write about all these things and then take some time to think.
How many of them are rational? And if they are rational, how can you overcome them?
Try to change your thinking and find a positive solution to every listed problem. Yes, it can be hard, but it will definitely make you feel better.
4. Use counter arguments.
People wanting to become more self-secure and confident need to find a way to fight with all these negative thoughts that can ruin their self-esteem.
Surely, one can try pushing them away, but this process requires too many efforts and can turn out to be not very effective. One of the best ways to fight negative thoughts and beliefs is to use logical counter arguments.
For example, if you start thinking “I’m never going to find someone who will love me”, remind yourself how many people (very different ones) find their love and live happy lives together.
Most of the time insecurities have nothing in common with how the things really are.
5. Forget about the labels.
People around us can be cruel. If you’ve been labeled with something unpleasant before, it’s hard to forget about this even when time passes.
Moreover, you can label yourself too if you’ve been growing in such surrounding. However, it’s important to stop if you want to change your life.
Even if you call yourself lazy for a reason, such attitude won’t help you: it will just upset you more. Be kind and gentle to yourself and stop punishing yourself for all the things that go wrong in your life.
6. Find your strong sides.
While we all aren’t perfect in many things, we still have strong sides and various virtues. It’s good to remind yourself about them when you start feeling bad about yourself; however, it sometimes seems impossible in such state of mind.
That’s why you need to focus on your strong sides not when you’re feeling bad already, but when everything is good and you feel great: this way it’ll be easier for you to name all your positive qualities. You can even make a list of them: carry it with you and read every time you feel insecure.
One of the best things you can do to find your strong sides is to turn to your friends for help.
Our friends usually are able to see us more open-mindedly than we see ourselves, so there is a pretty big chance they’ll tell you something that you didn’t realize about yourself.
You can even ask them to write short supportive notes to you, so you could read it when you feel bad.
7. Make a list of your accomplishments.
Sure, sometimes we may think that we didn’t achieve anything in our lives. However, if we look back, we’ll definitely find out that we succeeded at something, be it college graduation or long-lasting friendship.
Make a list of your previous accomplishments: this will help you to realize that your life wasn’t as bad as you may think sometimes.
Moreover, this list will help you to start thinking in a more positive way.
8. Focus on positive things.
Insecurity is all about negative thoughts, fears, and doubts, so you need to focus on the positive sides of life if you want to overcome it.
Of course, this doesn’t happen immediately if you aren’t a positive person: you need to put many efforts into changing your way of thinking, to focus on your accomplishments, on your strong sides, on all kind words your friends tell you.
Eventually, it will become easier and easier.
9. Learn to love yourself.
Sometimes people confuse love with self-pitying. However, we are sure you won’t make this mistake. Love is not about pitying yourself, comforting yourself with a food and so on.
It’s about stopping blaming yourself and beginning to treat yourself with love and care. When we love ourselves, we want what’s best for us, be it healthy food, healthy relationship or an amazing job.
You are the main person in your life, that’s why it is so important to learn how to treat yourself accordingly.
Over to you
Remember: you don’t have to live your life thinking poorly of yourself. Even if you experienced some downfalls in the past, your future can be bright and full of positive emotions.
Remind yourself that you aren’t the same as you were back then and move forward, concentrating on the good things and building a positive attitude.
We hope that you will be able to do so and will create a healthy self-esteem soon!
Here is my bio: Alice Jones is a tutor and freelance writer, who is interested in education, blogging and sharing her ideas. She also loves inspiring and motivating people and has spent the last 5 years improving and helping the others to improve. Follow Alice on Twitter, Google+, or find her in other social media, pop in there and say “Hi” to her!
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